Bittersweet ending to our breastfeeding adventure.

Any mom who has breastfed for any amount of time can attest to the sheer magnificence of it. It is challenging, brilliant, beautiful, and emotional to say the least.

My daughter just turned two and we made it about 23 months!

Here is our story: Even before I got pregnant, I KNEW I wanted to breastfeed. It is the absolute best gift I could give to my child, in so many ways. It is a completely unparalleled, personalized form of nutrition. It is a customized blend of fat, protein, vitamins, minerals and sugar for our babies development.

After birth, she had a shallow latch and I had bloody nipples even before we left the hospital. We got home and my milk came in at 2 days post partum (quick!). I made an appointment with an IBCLC for the next morning and we were off to the races. By that point, she was already starting to gain back the weight she lost from birth. The IBCLC ruled out any issues and she was latching great! Fortunately and unfortunately she never took a pacifier or a bottle. That meant that I have been both the pacifier and the bottle for the entirety of her little life. The first weeks are intense until breastfeeding is "established" which looks different for everyone. After her initial pediatrician appointments and another follow up with the IBCLC, at 10 days old we were "established".

Around 3 months postpartum it definitely felt more manageable for me and I was beginning to enjoy it. We made it to six months, then nine and finally a year! When she turned 1, I debated weaning but ultimately couldn't put an end to something that brought both of us so much joy and comfort. She was eating solids and nursing less and less but I decided to get through one more winter and reassess in the spring.

Springtime came and I still couldn't do it but I was feeling a lot of pressure to do so because my periods still hadn't returned and we definitely wanted to have another baby, sooner rather than later. I prayed and prayed for months and wondered why I couldn't be one of those lucky moms who got pregnant while breastfeeding and managed to nurse throughout her pregnancy and then go on to tandem feed.

Everything good comes from God: James 1:17 Lo and behold, my first postpartum period returned in June and I fell pregnant right away. I know, I was completely shocked, too. I took a test every day for about a week in complete disbelief.

We continued breastfeeding and everything went well until the second trimester began when I started to become extremely uncomfortable during nursing sessions; I would definitely call it a nursing aversion. Then at 17 weeks she unlatched one evening to tell me that my breasts were empty. Just like that.

For the next three weeks or so, she was comfort nursing to sleep like we'd always done but she started to wake when I put her into her crib. This led to many days and nights of missed naps and long bedtimes. My husband and I were at a crossroads. She still loved to nurse, and asked for it. I used to love it. It just wasn't working for us anymore.

The plan was to start cutting the nursing to sleep sessions shorter and shorter. Starting with 10 minutes for a few days, then 8, then 6, and so on. We didn't even get that far. One night after 4 short minutes, she sat up and said, "Go night night in crib." And I placed her in her crib. Just like that, it was over. She never asked again and went to sleep with a story and a kiss on the forehead.

I would be lying if I said that I haven't shed a few tears at the ending (it's just the pregnancy hormones, obviously) but I am so, so grateful for what we've shared and been through over the last 23 months. We learned how to breastfeed together. We spent countless hours cuddled up in our rocking chair together. We grew together. The day she was born, was the day a mother was born, too.

In a way, it is a blessing that my milk just dried up and the decision was made for me. I am not sure I would have been able to wean her on my own. She used to jump up and down with a giant smile when it came time for nap and bed and cuddles with mom.

So now I have a (very) brief break until baby #2 arrives and I will start again with that little one.

How did your breastfeeding adventure come to an end? Thanks for reading.

With gratitude, Andrea